Leah's Post

When Craig and I shifted from trying to get pregnant to the decision to adopt a child, I knew that we were making the right choice and this was how our family would come to be. The experience of trying to get pregnant has been both hopeful and heartbreaking as we’ve gone through the trying, the waiting, and the holding our breath each month for the past five years (yes it’s been five years, my timeline is a less fuzzy than Craig’s). With each new birth in the lives of our friends and families, my heart silently broke while I also felt a genuine happiness for these people I so dearly love. Being somewhat private people, and not wanting others to feel sorry for us in any way, we endured these moments in solitude. And even though there have been some dark times, through it all I have fallen more in love with the man I married and have grown more certain each day of what an amazing father he will be. 


As we take these next steps into the adoption process I feel a mixture of emotions, as I imagine most expectant parents do--only our wait time is just a little more unknown. Adoption can be scary, and I am sure that some of you will worry for us. There are so many unknowns that lie ahead and so many potential heartbreaks, but I can assure you that not being able to have our own family has also been heartbreaking. 


Of course, now that we have made this decision, I want to focus on what we have to look forward to. For some silly reason, I am especially excited about holidays. After 32 years, these occasions lose a bit of their luster, but whenever I see how excited kids get for Halloween costumes, Valentine’s Day cards and birthday cakes, I think about how much fun it will be to build these special moments for our children. I can’t wait to see the traditions our little family will develop to help us celebrate our lives together. I am ready for all the ways that I will be able to show my family that I love them and make them feel special and cared for in this world. I am ready for the challenge of parenthood as well, for the moments that grow you as person and expand your ability to love and connect. I want it all: the heartache, the uncertainty, the overwhelming joy and the day-to-day ordinariness of it.


It’s important to both of us that our family and friends be part of this process with us--after all, we are expanding your family as much as our own. We will need your love, support, trust and openness as we find our way through this. Which brings us to why we are writing this blog: we want this adoption experience to be available to you. We will update it regularly with news as well as our insights and thoughts. We want you to feel open to ask questions, post comments, and do anything that helps you to feel more engaged in this with us.


There are a lot of things about adoption that I see as positive. I don’t at all feel like this is a second best choice for us. For me, the point has never been to get pregnant but to have a family, and I am open to whatever path that means for us. I don’t have an overwhelming urge to duplicate my genes (no offense to you Mom and Dad, your genes have done well by me so far). In some ways I am grateful that I feel this way as I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will love our child no matter who gave birth to it. I think about how much I love my nieces and nephews despite the fact that we don’t share any genes. It doesn’t at all change how much I want them to be happy and loved in this world. I know for some women, not giving birth would be something they struggle with, and while I can’t exactly explain why I can accept it so easily, I am grateful that I can. I also see that going through the adoption process allows Craig to participate more in bringing our child into our family. I feel good that he can be as much a part of this as I am and he won’t feel outside of this experience, the way some men do in the pregnancy/birthing process. And of course, there’s the fact that I’ll get to skip that whole stretch marks thing. Kidding.


Currently, we are researching adoption agencies to find the one that fits our needs. We have found a couple of promising options, but none that are located near us. Here are some of the criteria that are important to us as we consider an adoption agency:

• A non-profit organization
• 
Open adoption advocates
• 
Focused on the needs of the child first

• Trusting and positive to both the birthparents and the adoptive parents

• Embracing of all types of families--both traditional and non-traditional

• Supportive of a women’s right to choose

• Able to offer community network for multi-racial adoptive families

• Connected to a network of other adoptive families for added support and guidance as our child grows


Of course there are so many aspects of this to think about, but the first step is finding an agency to represent us. We think this is an important decision, so we plan on interviewing as many agencies as we can find that fit all or most of what we are looking for. We are also seeking the advice of people who have worked in adoptions or have professional experience with adoption. We want to make sure we are as informed as we can be about this process.


Thank you for taking the time to read this and for letting us share this next stage of our lives with you. We are excited about this journey and we hope you will be too.